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my neuroses, let me show you them.
Dec. 30th, 2007 01:12 amThis is how avoidant I am: Tonight I made one comment on LJ (well, and two anon "IAWTC"s on the anon meme), and I felt like I had achieved something socially :/ OH LOL.
Work today was crazy because of the holidays, and consequently I had a bit of a freak-out and just sat down on the floor in the middle of the lab in the morning, after spilling papers all over the place. This is why my only ambition is a job that will just pay the rent but not be too difficult; I REALLY REALLY don't cope well with stress. At least I didn't cry this time!
I promise I'm mostly sane! Like, at least 60%.
I feel like I only ever post on here when I'm angry or emo, but I think that's just my tendency of remembering the bad stuff way too much. (while I'm being crazy: I still beat myself up over stupid things I said years ago. Still feel physically ill when I remember an utter blond moment I had on the phone in February. When I'm invited to visit people I worry that they've changed their mind between when they invited me and when I arrive, and in high school I was once driving to a friend's house and seriously wondered whether she had moved house and not told me and I'd show up at the wrong place. And I know this is all completely illogical but I just. can't. stop. It sucks.)
ANYWAY. I don't have to go to work again until Friday. All I have to do between now and then is apply for some more jobs, go to the library to get some books to take away for New Years, and then relax at Kauaeranga Valley, which is a lovely way to start the year so long as we leave before any stupid tension starts. So overall things are actually good, if only I could just see it.
Work today was crazy because of the holidays, and consequently I had a bit of a freak-out and just sat down on the floor in the middle of the lab in the morning, after spilling papers all over the place. This is why my only ambition is a job that will just pay the rent but not be too difficult; I REALLY REALLY don't cope well with stress. At least I didn't cry this time!
I promise I'm mostly sane! Like, at least 60%.
I feel like I only ever post on here when I'm angry or emo, but I think that's just my tendency of remembering the bad stuff way too much. (while I'm being crazy: I still beat myself up over stupid things I said years ago. Still feel physically ill when I remember an utter blond moment I had on the phone in February. When I'm invited to visit people I worry that they've changed their mind between when they invited me and when I arrive, and in high school I was once driving to a friend's house and seriously wondered whether she had moved house and not told me and I'd show up at the wrong place. And I know this is all completely illogical but I just. can't. stop. It sucks.)
ANYWAY. I don't have to go to work again until Friday. All I have to do between now and then is apply for some more jobs, go to the library to get some books to take away for New Years, and then relax at Kauaeranga Valley, which is a lovely way to start the year so long as we leave before any stupid tension starts. So overall things are actually good, if only I could just see it.
