christmas

It seems I'll get to get my religion on after all;  I'm going to midnight church tomorrow with Mum and Nic, because Nic's boyfriend invited her.  Cool?  I've always wanted to see what it's like.  It's just not a discussion I ever thought I'd hear at our dinner table, what with being raised pretty much atheist.  I bet it's gonna be really nice and pretty.  We're going to the Cathedral in town, and there'll probably be candles which always put me in a spiritual sort of mood  (is that pathetic? whatev, it's true).

I just.  Don't know what to do with myself at Christmas.  It's so much a part of the world that it's absolutely unavoidable, but I really feel like I shouldn't be celebrating because I'm not Christian.  I hate the way it's all about the presents and really has no meaning to a lot of people who just want to celebrate, but then what can I say, that's all it is to my family too.  I wish it could just go back to being a religious festival for religious folks and the rest of us could go about our lives, but that is just never going to happen.  So this year I'll try to at least acknowledge the religious parts and see if I feel any better about it.  I think I'll just end up feeling like more of a fraud.